10-09-2013, 09:24 AM
A WOUNDED EGO PREVENTS US FROM SHOWING COMPASSION
SCRIPTURE READINGS: JONAH 4:1-11; LK 11:1-4
http://www.universalis.com/20131009/mass.htm
We all have the potential for compassion, because we have a heart, and therefore a capacity for love. This is reflected in our natural sympathy and concern for the poor, the suffering and the oppressed, and especially our loved ones and those whom we love.
But when people hurt us, we immediately lose our desire to love them anymore. It is a natural reaction for us to close our hearts to people whom we have loved all these years, but because of human frailties, they turn their backs on us, talk bad about us or betray us. Once we are hurt, our hearts become numb to their sufferings and their needs. We see them as worse than enemies. We refuse to feel with and for them because we are still hurting, especially when we recall how they hurt us by their harsh words or actions. No wonder, some of us do not have the courage to develop human friendship because human beings can hurt us, unlike animals. It is easier to show compassion for animals, for at least they are grateful and appreciative.
Why is it that we can be so loving in a relationship, and then just because of a single negative event or experience, suddenly find that we have no more love or affection for the person? The root cause is primarily pride. When people wound our ego, we lose self-confidence and self-esteem. Spouses often say unkind and harsh words to each other. Colleagues often gossip about each other, sometimes, even making unjust criticisms and passing false information. Sometimes we are slighted and humiliated by our superiors and friends because of their unjust practices and favouritism. Of course, many times, we feel hurt when we are not given an opportunity to explain our decisions. When people silence us and do not allow us to express our feelings and ideas, it is natural for us to just withdraw completely, although some might hit back.
Once hurt, we tend to lose our objectivity in the relationship. We are coloured in the way we look at the offending party, for no longer can we remember all the good things about the person, the things he/she has done for us. Instead, the sight of his/her face, or simply just the thought of him/her only stirs up feelings of anger, hatred and vindictiveness. When we are hurt, and the more deeply hurt we are, the more we are unable to see any goodness in that person. When we see others through a wounded and grieved heart, with eyes that are full of hatred, it is hard for us to feel for or with them. When we are nursing our own wounds, we simply do not have the strength to be bothered about the wounds or needs of others. The tragedy is that we can keep our hurts for a very long time, even for life. Even when both parties continue to talk out of necessity in work or even in family life, the hurts will manifest itself in the relationship through the curt exchanges, sarcasm, coldness, indifference, suspicions, resentment and judgmentalism. Sometimes, the offender may not even be aware that he has aggrieved the other party, and is left to wonder what caused the relationship to become tensed, formal, unfriendly or hostile.
This was what happened to Jonah. He was successful in his mission, but he could not accept the results of his mission. He expected the fulfillment of his word, the just destruction of the inhabitants of Nineveh in 40 days. He was angry with God because his ego was wounded. God did not carry out the prophecy that he was told to make. He could not accept that God could forgive the people, especially when he told them that they would be destroyed. We read that “Jonah was very indignant; he fell into a rage”. Jonah did not really care for the conversion of the Ninevites. He was more absorbed in his power to carry out the will of God and his threats. Note what he said, “That was why I went and fled to Tarshish: I knew that you were a God of tenderness and compassion, slow to anger, rich in graciousness, relenting from evil.” So he complained to God for making him lose face and three times, he was so embarrassed that he wanted to die. His pride was wounded. He must have felt stupid, thinking that now the people would lose faith in him as a credible prophet of God since all that he prophesied did not eventually take place.
But the truth is that God is a God of compassion and love. Surely Jonah knew that too. He remembered by heart the Mosaic text from Exodus 34:6-7 “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin.”
And so the way back to compassion means that that we have to heal our hurts and our wounded ego. That is why Jesus taught us the Lord’s Prayer, especially the petition for forgiveness; “forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive each one who is in debt to us.” But how can we truly forgive from our heart those who have hurt us?
We must first begin by recalling the love of the Father for us in Christ. Unless we experience the unconditional love of the Father and His mercy for us, we will not have the strength also to forgive others unconditionally. This is what we mean when we pray that God will ‘forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us’, that is, by the power of God’s forgiveness I received for my own sins, I will forgive the sins of others. St Paul wrote, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” (2 Cor 1:3-4)
This calls for a prior acknowledgement of our sins and our poverty in love and virtues. Without recognizing our own imperfections and human failures in love, we cannot forgive others who fail us from time to time. Just as we are not perfect in loving others, we can accept others who are not perfect in loving us as well. When we realize that we have caused as much hurt to others as they have caused us, then we will not be so judgmental. When we realize how weak, selfish, and insensitive we are at times to others, then we should not be surprised that our fellow sinners too will also fail us in love. And like the Psalmist we pray to the Lord saying, “Lord, you are merciful and gracious. Have mercy on me, O Lord, for to you I call all the day. Gladden the soul of your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.”
Secondly, we must recall that we are recipients of God’s mercy and love and blessings ourselves. Everything we have comes from Him. Jonah himself had received many blessings from the Lord, but instead of being generous like the Lord to all of humanity, he was selfish and wanted to keep the mercy of God only for himself and his people. He was not generous enough to share with all of humanity, especially those not from his race. When the Lord asks us to pray for our daily bread, it is to remind us that God is our sole provider and everything comes from Him.
Thirdly, we must recognize our brotherhood and that God is Father of all of humanity. When Jesus exhorts us to begin our prayer by saying, “Father, may your name be held holy, your kingdom come”, He was reminding us that whenever we pray, we must remember that since God is our Father, we are all His children. As Father of us all, He cares not just for one person but His care reaches to everyone, regardless of who we are, great or small. This was the message that God wanted Jonah to come to realize.
So let us make our Heavenly Father happy by living in unity and in love and by forgiving each other our failings. The Father’s joy is to see us united, since that too was the priestly prayer of Jesus before He died. (Confer John 17) Just as the Father is concerned with everyone regardless of who we are, so we must ask for God’s mercy for us all. As the Lord said, many of them are living more in ignorance than out of malice. “There are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left.”
Let us pray that we may never lose compassion of heart due to our lack of awareness of God’s forgiveness for our own sins, or the abundant blessings we have received from Him each day. Only through such awareness, can we then heal our wounded hearts afflicted by the sins of our fellowmen. Let us also pray for the gift of humility to heal our wounded ego and to free us from hypersensitivity and obsession with our selfish needs so that we can continue to open our hearts to those who have hurt us. May we not become blind to the needs of others, as Jonah was blind to the needs of the people of Nineveh because he too was hurt in his ego.
SCRIPTURE READINGS: JONAH 4:1-11; LK 11:1-4
http://www.universalis.com/20131009/mass.htm
We all have the potential for compassion, because we have a heart, and therefore a capacity for love. This is reflected in our natural sympathy and concern for the poor, the suffering and the oppressed, and especially our loved ones and those whom we love.
But when people hurt us, we immediately lose our desire to love them anymore. It is a natural reaction for us to close our hearts to people whom we have loved all these years, but because of human frailties, they turn their backs on us, talk bad about us or betray us. Once we are hurt, our hearts become numb to their sufferings and their needs. We see them as worse than enemies. We refuse to feel with and for them because we are still hurting, especially when we recall how they hurt us by their harsh words or actions. No wonder, some of us do not have the courage to develop human friendship because human beings can hurt us, unlike animals. It is easier to show compassion for animals, for at least they are grateful and appreciative.
Why is it that we can be so loving in a relationship, and then just because of a single negative event or experience, suddenly find that we have no more love or affection for the person? The root cause is primarily pride. When people wound our ego, we lose self-confidence and self-esteem. Spouses often say unkind and harsh words to each other. Colleagues often gossip about each other, sometimes, even making unjust criticisms and passing false information. Sometimes we are slighted and humiliated by our superiors and friends because of their unjust practices and favouritism. Of course, many times, we feel hurt when we are not given an opportunity to explain our decisions. When people silence us and do not allow us to express our feelings and ideas, it is natural for us to just withdraw completely, although some might hit back.
Once hurt, we tend to lose our objectivity in the relationship. We are coloured in the way we look at the offending party, for no longer can we remember all the good things about the person, the things he/she has done for us. Instead, the sight of his/her face, or simply just the thought of him/her only stirs up feelings of anger, hatred and vindictiveness. When we are hurt, and the more deeply hurt we are, the more we are unable to see any goodness in that person. When we see others through a wounded and grieved heart, with eyes that are full of hatred, it is hard for us to feel for or with them. When we are nursing our own wounds, we simply do not have the strength to be bothered about the wounds or needs of others. The tragedy is that we can keep our hurts for a very long time, even for life. Even when both parties continue to talk out of necessity in work or even in family life, the hurts will manifest itself in the relationship through the curt exchanges, sarcasm, coldness, indifference, suspicions, resentment and judgmentalism. Sometimes, the offender may not even be aware that he has aggrieved the other party, and is left to wonder what caused the relationship to become tensed, formal, unfriendly or hostile.
This was what happened to Jonah. He was successful in his mission, but he could not accept the results of his mission. He expected the fulfillment of his word, the just destruction of the inhabitants of Nineveh in 40 days. He was angry with God because his ego was wounded. God did not carry out the prophecy that he was told to make. He could not accept that God could forgive the people, especially when he told them that they would be destroyed. We read that “Jonah was very indignant; he fell into a rage”. Jonah did not really care for the conversion of the Ninevites. He was more absorbed in his power to carry out the will of God and his threats. Note what he said, “That was why I went and fled to Tarshish: I knew that you were a God of tenderness and compassion, slow to anger, rich in graciousness, relenting from evil.” So he complained to God for making him lose face and three times, he was so embarrassed that he wanted to die. His pride was wounded. He must have felt stupid, thinking that now the people would lose faith in him as a credible prophet of God since all that he prophesied did not eventually take place.
But the truth is that God is a God of compassion and love. Surely Jonah knew that too. He remembered by heart the Mosaic text from Exodus 34:6-7 “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin.”
And so the way back to compassion means that that we have to heal our hurts and our wounded ego. That is why Jesus taught us the Lord’s Prayer, especially the petition for forgiveness; “forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive each one who is in debt to us.” But how can we truly forgive from our heart those who have hurt us?
We must first begin by recalling the love of the Father for us in Christ. Unless we experience the unconditional love of the Father and His mercy for us, we will not have the strength also to forgive others unconditionally. This is what we mean when we pray that God will ‘forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us’, that is, by the power of God’s forgiveness I received for my own sins, I will forgive the sins of others. St Paul wrote, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” (2 Cor 1:3-4)
This calls for a prior acknowledgement of our sins and our poverty in love and virtues. Without recognizing our own imperfections and human failures in love, we cannot forgive others who fail us from time to time. Just as we are not perfect in loving others, we can accept others who are not perfect in loving us as well. When we realize that we have caused as much hurt to others as they have caused us, then we will not be so judgmental. When we realize how weak, selfish, and insensitive we are at times to others, then we should not be surprised that our fellow sinners too will also fail us in love. And like the Psalmist we pray to the Lord saying, “Lord, you are merciful and gracious. Have mercy on me, O Lord, for to you I call all the day. Gladden the soul of your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.”
Secondly, we must recall that we are recipients of God’s mercy and love and blessings ourselves. Everything we have comes from Him. Jonah himself had received many blessings from the Lord, but instead of being generous like the Lord to all of humanity, he was selfish and wanted to keep the mercy of God only for himself and his people. He was not generous enough to share with all of humanity, especially those not from his race. When the Lord asks us to pray for our daily bread, it is to remind us that God is our sole provider and everything comes from Him.
Thirdly, we must recognize our brotherhood and that God is Father of all of humanity. When Jesus exhorts us to begin our prayer by saying, “Father, may your name be held holy, your kingdom come”, He was reminding us that whenever we pray, we must remember that since God is our Father, we are all His children. As Father of us all, He cares not just for one person but His care reaches to everyone, regardless of who we are, great or small. This was the message that God wanted Jonah to come to realize.
So let us make our Heavenly Father happy by living in unity and in love and by forgiving each other our failings. The Father’s joy is to see us united, since that too was the priestly prayer of Jesus before He died. (Confer John 17) Just as the Father is concerned with everyone regardless of who we are, so we must ask for God’s mercy for us all. As the Lord said, many of them are living more in ignorance than out of malice. “There are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left.”
Let us pray that we may never lose compassion of heart due to our lack of awareness of God’s forgiveness for our own sins, or the abundant blessings we have received from Him each day. Only through such awareness, can we then heal our wounded hearts afflicted by the sins of our fellowmen. Let us also pray for the gift of humility to heal our wounded ego and to free us from hypersensitivity and obsession with our selfish needs so that we can continue to open our hearts to those who have hurt us. May we not become blind to the needs of others, as Jonah was blind to the needs of the people of Nineveh because he too was hurt in his ego.