[stephenkhoo]

Scripture Reflections
Tuesday, 29 October, 2012, 30th Week, Ordinary Time
THE INCALCULABLE IMPACT OF NURTURING
SCRIPTURE READINGS: EPHESIANS 5:21-33; LUKE 13:18-21

The Church is called to establish the Kingdom of God on earth. This is what the two parables of the kingdom in today’s gospel remind us of. She is called to bring everything in creation under the rule of God’s love.

She does this by building up the family of God on earth, a family that lives in love and harmony. We cannot speak of a nation that lives in love and unity, much less of the world, if we do not begin in the family.

Indeed, division in society begins with division in the family. The root cause of our problems in society is always the family. Dysfunctional society has its roots in a dysfunctional family. No one is born a criminal. No one is born a pedophile. No one is born a gay. It is how we have been nurtured. This nurturing takes place even when we were in the womb of our mothers. Our temperament and our character are very much affected by how well we were received by our parents when we were conceived in our mother’s womb. The disposition of our mothers, her emotional, psychological, physical and spiritual disposition also determines how we grow up. This is the implication of the parable of the mustard seed “which a man took and threw into his garden: it grew and became a tree.”

But the mother herself and the father too, were formed by their parents, guardians and the struggles in human life. That is why it is important to consider the need to heal our family tree as we are all affected by intergenerational sin. From the outset I must state in no uncertain terms that we do not inherit the personal sins of our parents except original sin, which is also not a personal sin. What we inherit is a fallen and wounded nature and all the psychological, biological, emotional, physical and even spiritual traits, good or bad from our parents. We can analogously call it a “genetic” sin. Therefore because we are all in solidarity with one another and more so directly with our parents, we will suffer the effects of their sins.

Most of us who suffer from low self-esteem are the result of some form of rejection received in our childhood. So the kind of love we receive at the very first day of our conception will determine the way we will develop to be loving and confident people or wounded and hurtful people. It is like the parable of the dough in today’s gospel. The truth is that the tree is already in the seed. Similarly the beginning of evil is present like the yeast and it will infest and grow. The criminal was not born an adult, but in the nurturing years of his childhood life, the seed was sown by his parents or those people who have had a hand in his formation.

For this reason, the first ten years of a child’s life plus the nine months in the womb of the mother are very significant for the development of the child. We can therefore appreciate why in the case of our Blessed Mother, God in His graciousness in order to protect the holiness, that is, the integrity of Jesus, bestowed upon her the gift of the Immaculate Conception. He could have chosen another way in His divine power to protect Jesus from inheriting original sin but He chose this way so that it is clear that we are all suffering the effects of the sins of our ancestors and therefore need One who is without sin to deliver and save us from sins and the effects of our sins.

The implication of this truth is enormous. The best way to restore unity and love in society must begin with the family. In the light of this revelation, we can understand why the strategy of the Evil One is to destroy the family by promoting lust, irresponsible sex, infidelity, abortion, divorce and same sex union. When the family breaks apart, society will break apart. Then there will be wars and chaos because of the internal division of man seen in his greed for power, wealth and status. There will be unforgiveness and revenge because man who is without love seeks desperately to protect himself and substitute love with power and things.

Consequently, it behooves us to take heed of the first reading when St Paul exhorts married couples to live a life of love and unity. Couples are first and foremost called to be the sacrament of Christ’s love for the Church. If Christian marriage is called the sacrament of matrimony, it is because the two baptized Christians in the marriage are called to be a sign of Christ’s total, unconditional, selfless and undivided love for the Church. Hence St Paul writes, “For this reason, a man must leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one body. This mystery has many implications; but I am saying it applies to Christ and the Church. To sum up; you too, each one of you, must love his wife as he loves himself; and let every wife respect her husband.”

Why must love begin with the couple? Unless the couple is in love they cannot find the capacity to love their children. We cannot give unless we receive. We cannot love unless we are first loved. Accordingly, the best gift we can give to our children is to first love our spouse and our parents. When parents are in love, children feel secure in their love as their love for each other will overflow to them. Otherwise they live in deep insecurity, unsure of whether their parents will always love them or are even capable of loving them. Besides, children need living exemplars of people who are capable of love. If they do not see love in their parents expressed in acceptance, encouragement and forgiveness, they too will not be able to forgive and accept others and those who hurt them in their lives or give themselves in service for others.

What signs of love are we expected to show? Firstly, St Paul says, we must be receptive to each other by showing deference to each other. This is the meaning of obedience. When St Paul said, “Give way to one another in obedience to Christ. Wives should regard their husbands as they regard the Lord, since as Christ is head of the Church and saves the whole body, so is a husband the head of his wife; and as the Church submits to Christ, so should wives to their husbands, in everything”, he was not advocating a blind and subservient obedience. Rather, he made it clear that all obedience must be given to Christ and in Christ, without which that obedience is harmful and destructive.

Secondly, couples are called to sanctify each other by loving each other in self-sacrifice, putting the other above and before his or her self-interests. St Paul wrote, “Husbands should love their wives just as Christ loved the Church and sacrificed himself for her to make her holy. He made her clean by washing her in water with a form of words, so that when he took her to himself she would be glorious, with no speck or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and faultless.” Spouses must desire to make their spouse holy by sacrificing himself or herself for the other. As spouse, we must love the other more than ourselves, just as Christ loves the Church by giving up His life for us.

Finally, couples must be so identified with each other that they are one not just in body but in mind and spirit. “In the same way, husbands must love their wives as they love their own bodies; for a man to love his wife is for him to love himself. A man never hates his own body, but he feeds it and looks after it; and that is the way Christ treats the Church, because it is his body – and we are its living parts.” Without this identification with each other, there can be no real unity and love cannot thrive. The unfortunate mistake of most couples is that they only desire unity in body but they do not make the effort to strengthen their union in mind, spirit and heart. When love is reduced to sensuality and lust, that relationship ultimately breaks down as there is no love and intimacy to unite them.

On our own, we cannot love like Christ. Precisely, we are called to love IN Christ. But this is not possible unless, as the psalmist says, we fear the Lord. He said, “O blessed are those who fear the Lord and walk in his ways! By the labour of your hands you shall eat. You will be happy and prosper. Your wife like a fruitful vine in the heart of your house; your children like shoots of the olive, around your table.” Without love and reverence for the Lord as the Head of the family, and enthroning Him in our hearts and making Him as the bedrock of family life and love, our family life and unity will be weak, unable to resist the current individualistic, materialistic, sensual, self-centered values of the world. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom. This fear is a reverential fear of love, respect and profound realization that God is the cause, ground and end of human love and life and unity.