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Scripture Reflections
16 August 2013, Friday, 19th Week, Ordinary Time
THE JOY OF MARRIAGE AND CELIBACY
SCRIPTURE READINGS: JOSHUA 24:1-13; MT 19:3-12

Like the disciples, many of us find the laws concerning the permanency of marriage or the rule of celibacy for the priesthood in the Catholic Church difficult to accept. There is much resentment against the teachings of the Church with regard to these two issues which affect a fundamental area of our lives. The truth is that the institution of marriage is under threat. Many Catholics feel that the Church law forbidding divorce is too strict and not in sync with the trend in the world. With growing affluence, migration and the pursuit of higher standards of living, both spouses have to work to support their standard of living. Likewise, many priests and religious too, are clamoring for the Church to relax its rule on celibacy.

In the light of so many challenges, there is a danger of escapism. Like the disciples who responded to Jesus’ teaching on the indissolubility of marriage, saying, “If that is how things are between husband and wife, it is not advisable to marry”, some people today are escaping the responsibility and commitment of marriage by staying single or joining the priesthood or religious life. Others simply pursue the route of cohabitation. Others still, reduce marriage to nothing more than companionship. They either refuse to have children or they “marry” others of the same sex. Whether it is same-sex union or having a relationship outside of marriage, it all boils down to the fact that men and women are incapable of making a commitment to love totally and unconditionally.

The response of Jesus is that only those who understand the bigger picture and the plan of God can accept such a teaching. In other words, we must see the call to celibacy and marriage through the mind of God. More often than not, it is because of selfishness that couples divorce, because they are not willing to die to themselves for each other. This was what Jesus said in reply to the question, “why did Moses command that a writ of dismissal should be given in cases of divorce?’ It was because you were so unteachable’ he said ‘that Moses allowed you to divorce wives, but it was not like this from the beginning. Now I say this to you: the man who divorces his wife – I am not speaking of fornication – and marries another, is guilty of adultery.’”

What then is the mind of God? As the gospel tells us, it is God’s plan that we who are made in His image, should also share in His oneness and unity in love. In this sense, the statement “What God has united, man must not divide” reflects the nature of God’s life of love and unity. God’s love, as we read in the first reading, is a faithful, forgiving and gratuitous love. Marital love, which is a reflection of God’s love, demands total giving and total reception of each other’s love. For this reason, marital love must necessarily be exclusive first, before it can become inclusive. Without the permanency of a monogamous marriage between the man and the woman, there can be no security and stability in the relationship. Love wants to possess completely. Only when a couple is strengthened by each other’s love, can they in turn share this love with their family and the community at large.

Celibacy too, is to be seen in the context of a total love for God and His Church. As Jesus remarked, “There are eunuchs born that way from their mother’s womb, there are eunuchs made so by men and there are eunuchs who have made themselves that way for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.” If the Church requires her priests to be celibate, it is in order that they can give their wholehearted devotion to Christ and His people. A celibate priest or religious is called to inclusive love, like the way God loves us. It is not meant to be a burden that is carried reluctantly. It is a burden if we love God less than we love man! For the sake of our beloved, no sacrifice is too difficult, whether in marriage or in priestly life.

Celibacy cannot be an end in itself but for the sake of the gospel and for the sake of a greater love. Otherwise, those who choose to be single can actually end up living selfish and self-centered lives. Similarly, couples who marry must do so with the ultimate aim of expressing their love in children. Those who do not want children because they want to do whatever they like without being tied down, are living selfish lives.

Hence, whether it is with regard to marriage or celibacy, both must be seen in the context of love; otherwise either status becomes burdensome. Indeed, often we hear couples bemoaning how much they have sacrificed for the spouse; or priests grumbling that they have sacrificed so much for the priesthood. When we talk in this manner, what we are saying is that the people we have given ourselves to are nothing but a burden.

The truth is, both are invitations to love. Only when both are lived within the context of love, can there be joy in celibacy and marriage. What is important is to see that both are means by which we can live out and share in the depth and intimacy of the love of God. This love of God and His fidelity to Israel as described in the first reading is the same kind of love that God wants us all to share. It is a covenanted love, a love that journeys with us in total commitment and fidelity. What we have given up is nothing compared to the joy that we receive from a committed love and union either with God or with the people whom we have given ourselves to in marriage.

So where can we draw the strength to love so unconditionally and faithfully? We must return to our experience of God’s love for us. This was what Joshua did in the first reading. Just before Israel entered into Canaan to claim the Promised Land, he reminded the Israelites of their humble origin and how God had chosen them to be His people in spite of their chequered past. He also reminded them of how God had brought them to Egypt during the time of famine and how He brought them out of Egypt with a mighty hand. Finally, Yahweh reminded the people of His gratuitous love when He said “when you crossed the Jordan and came to Jericho, those who held Jericho fought against you, as did the Amorites and Perizzites, the Canaanites, Hittites, Girgashites, Hivites and Jebusites, but I put them all into your power.“ Indeed, from beginning to end, the Israelites’ entry into the Promised Land was solely by the grace of God and not the result of human effort. At the Covenant Ceremony, Yahweh told the people, “I sent out hornets in front of you, which drove the two Amorite kings before you; this was not the work of your sword or your bow. I gave you a land where you never toiled, you live in towns you never built; you eat now from vineyards and olive groves you never planted.” For the Israelites, Yahweh was truly the Lord of Hosts, the Army Commander, for it was only through His marvelous works and pure grace that the Israelites could occupy Canaan.

This emphasis on grace and not human effort or ingenuity is the basis of marriage and celibacy. Both are gifts from God. To be able to find the right partner in life is truly the grace of God. Love cannot be forced, especially marital love. To choose someone to be our spouse is truly an act of love. To maintain a loving marriage is truly the grace of God. In the same way too, celibacy is not a matter of denying one’s sexual needs; a kind of discipline imposed on priests and religious from without. Celibacy too is a charism and a gift from God, without which it is very difficult to live a celibate life. Celibacy is freely chosen in view of the mission that has been entrusted to us. This mission is nothing else but the proclamation of God’s unconditional mercy and love. Priests and religious are called to manifest this divine love in their lives since they are configured in Him through the Sacrament of Holy Orders. Through celibacy, a priest or a religious is able to consecrate himself or herself entirely to God and His people. Otherwise, one can serve the Church and the mission of Christ in other ways. So, whether we choose the priesthood, religious life, singlehood or marriage, it is the grace of God.

Of course, we on our part must cooperate with His grace. If many marriages are breaking down, it is because couples do not come together to pray to God as they did on their wedding day. Similarly too, many beautiful relationships are broken because they did not found their love in Christ. Only Christ who binds us together can hold us together. Once God is out of our lives, then materialism and other worldly pursuits take the place of God and the place of love. To remain faithful to God’s plan of marriage and celibacy in the context of love, we must deepen our union with the Lord, together as a couple for those who are married, and as individuals for those who are single or with a community.

Written by The Most Rev Msgr William Goh
Archbishop of Singapore
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