[stephenkhoo]

Monday, 29 October, 2012, 30th Week, Ordinary Time
EXERCISING LOVE THROUGH OUR WORDS AND FORGIVENESS
SCRIPTURE READINGS: EPH 4:32-5:8; LK 13:10-17
Although we are all individuals, we cannot live for ourselves alone if we want to find meaning in life. We are called to live for and with others. However, in living and relating with others, we often find ourselves in conflict and misunderstandings, so much so that sometimes we want to withdraw from the world and be by ourselves. Yet, the reality is that we are called to fellowship with each other. This is because we are made in the image of God, which means that we are called to live out the Trinitarian life of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit in our relationship with others. This is the central message of the letter of St Paul to the Ephesians. Today, the liturgy invites us to walk in the light of Christ since we have received that light. This requires us to view our difficulties in building relationships in the light of faith and in the light of the gospel.
Firstly, to walk in the light of faith means that we must once again be attentive to the fact that words and actions can harm or forge relationships. St Paul warned, “Among you there must be not even a mention of fornication or impurity in any of its forms, or promiscuity: this would hardly become the saints! There must be no coarseness, or salacious talk and jokes – all this is wrong for you: raise your voices in thanksgiving instead.” Lust is one of the greatest temptations of man. In today’s promiscuous world, we often tempt each other to lust not only by the conversations that we engage in, but also by the lack of modesty in our dressing. It is very challenging in today’s world to stay chaste and pure because our words are often laced with sexual connotations. Impure thoughts lead to impure words and actions. The psalmist says, “Happy indeed is the man who follows not the counsel of the wicked; nor lingers in the way of sinners nor sits in the company of scorners, but whose delight is the law of the Lord and who ponders his law day and night.”
Of course, indecent speech goes beyond salacious talk but it is also about using harmful and hurtful words. When we are not conscious of what we say, it shows that we are lacking focus. A person who cannot control his tongue will only hurt others. “A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Prov 15:1) One who is patient and who controls his words exemplify emotional and spiritual maturity. Uncharitable and thoughtless words do not only destroy others, but we also destroy ourselves because we create dissension. For “a hot-tempered man stirs up dissensions, but a patient man calms a quarrel.” (Prov 15:18) Harsh words always trigger an angry response. We must not allow our temper to control us. A quick temper is like a fire raging uncontrollably. It can burn us and everyone else in its path. Anger divides us because it pushes us into hasty decisions that will only cause bitterness and guilt. To turn away from wrath and to seek peace, we must use gentle, loving and encouraging words. We must consider our words carefully and not say anything that will antagonize others. Only a selfish person says what he wills without caring about the effects of his words. Indeed, if it is important to say something, it is equally important to weigh the contents and the delivery of the message.
St Paul also warns us about being too argumentative in community living. He advised, “Do not let anyone deceive you with empty arguments: it is for this loose living that God’s anger comes down on those who rebel against him. Make sure that you are not included with them.” Most arguments and angry shouting are linked to our pride and ego. We want to have the last word. We want to prove to others that we are better than them. When we lose an argument or when we fail to convince the other party, we think that we can silence them and win them over by raising our voices or by using harsh words. On the contrary, when we humiliate others, they might eventually keep silent but resentment and anger will fester in their hearts. We end up creating an enemy who waits for an opportunity to retaliate one day. Instead of raising our voices at each other in arguments, we should direct our voices to God instead. There is a need for humility in listening to others. Sometimes, we need to respectfully agree to disagree with each other. But there is no need to impose our opinions on others.
How should we respond when we are hurt by others because of callous words or when others lose their temper at us? St Paulurges forgiveness instead of retaliation. He exhorts, “Be friends with one another, and kind, forgiving each other as readily as God forgave you in Christ.” This seems to be a rather tall order. Forgiveness is always very difficult not because we do not want to forgive, but because we cannot forgive. If forgiveness is merely a logical action, then it would be much easier for we all are aware that the failure to forgive will destroy us more than our enemies. So while the head wants to forgive, the wounded heart is still reeling from the pain.
What is the basis for forgiveness? St Paul reminds us that we are called “to imitate God, as children of his that he loves, and follow Christ by loving as he loved you, giving himself up in our place as a fragrant offering and a sacrifice to God. “ St Alphonsus Rodriguez wrote, “As love is paid for in love, I must imitate him, sharing in spirit all his sufferings. I must consider how much I owe him and what he has done for me. Putting these sufferings between God and my soul, I must say, “What does it matter my God, that I should endure for your love these small hardships?” Forgiveness presupposes that we are aware of how much we have hurt Jesus and our loved ones by our uncharitable thoughts and words; and how Jesus forgives us unconditionally time and again. Contemplating on our sins and failures together with Jesus’ forgiveness is the way to heal our wounds.
In the final analysis, there is a price for failing to control our speech and for not having a forgiving heart. The gospel warns us that if we do not forgive or if we do not observe purity in our conversations, we will destroy ourselves. The woman who was under the bondage of Satan was bent double. She was carrying the weight of sin upon herself. This explains why St Luke uses a sacramental and canonical term of untying to describe her healing. Jesus said, “’Is there one of you who does not untie his ox or his donkey from the manger on the Sabbath and take it out for watering? And this woman, a daughter of Abraham whom Satan has held bound these eighteen years – was it not right to untie her bonds on the Sabbath day?’”
And the fact is our estranged relationships take a toll on us and the people around us, especially our loved ones. When parents are not on good terms, the children suffer the most. When married couples have estranged relationships, the other aspects of their lives will also be impacted. We are affected not only emotionally, spiritually, psychological but also physically. The weight of a difficult relationship is reflected in the heaviness of heart. But it also destroys the people around us even though they might not be involved because we belong to each other in Christ. We cannot pretend that an estranged relationship affects only those who are concerned. It impacts everyone connected to us.
That is why Jesus warns us not to deceive ourselves by delaying the need for reconciliation and conversion. That was what the synagogue official said to the people, “Come and be healed on one of those days and not on the Sabbath.” In other words, “Come later.” But the Lord answered him. “‘Hypocrites!’ he said ‘Is there one of you who does not untie his ox or his donkey from the manger on the Sabbath and take it out for watering?” Yes, to delay is to worsen the situation. We must restore the relationship as quickly as possible. Often it is said that time heals. This is true only when reconciliation has been effected, otherwise the issue will be suppressed and our hurts will exacerbate over time.
Let us then pray for reconciliation and unity in our families, homes, workplaces and relationships. That is what Jesus did during the end of His life when He prayed for the unity of the Church. Only the Holy Spirit can unite us and open our hearts to each other. We need to pray for a charitable heart, peace within ourselves and a greater self-acceptance so that we can exercise greater self-control. So long as we pray sincerely, the Lord will give us the grace to preserve the unity of the community. Only by walking in the light of Christ can we become children of the light. This means to find strength and direction from Him so that our minds will be that of Christ. Such a man, the psalmist says is “like a tree that is planted beside the flowing waters, that yields its fruit in due season and whose leaves shall never fade; and all that he does shall prosper.”